MTV’s The Valleys…oh God.
What is wrong with people?
Determined to damage Wales more than that guy who came up with the first sheep joke, MTV have started filming a “reality” TV show akin to Made in Chelsea, Geordie Shore, etc. But this one is, obviously, set in the Welsh valleys.
For a start, it’s set in Cardiff, so it’s fucking NOT in the Valleys. Second, this is an actual quote from the website:
Plucked from the tranquillity of Valley life, the cast will be given the opportunity to leave their hamlet towns and change their lives in the city of Cardiff.
The tranquility of Valley life? What, like we’re a bunch of dirt-farming hicks or something? The Valleys are boring for the most part, but certainly not tranquil.
This next bit makes me roar with mirth:
the cast will be given the opportunity to leave their hamlet towns and change their lives in the city of Cardiff.
HOLY SHIT GUYS, THAT’S LIKE OUR FUCKING DREAM OR SOMETHING.
Oh I wish I could go Cardiff; see the sights and hear the sounds of overtanned bellends vomiting in a bin outside a chippy next to a man who shouldn’t be let outside necking woman who has no place wearing that dress. You know the kind. If I wanted that I’d go to Aberdare, Pontypridd or Tonypandy…or any-fucking-where else in the Valleys for that matter.
Virtually every time there’s a non-proffessional (i.e: not a presenter or whatever) Welsh person on TV he or she makes the rest of us sound like a bunch of spastic children, and this show is going to do just that and more. Like a big sheep-shaped, Hiroshima-sized bomb, this will be the thing that ruins us culturally.
Perhaps an over-exaggeration? I don’t think so.People act like orange dumbasses now, and if there’s a slim chance of being on TV do you think they’re going to calm down?
I’m not having a bitch-fit because it’s something to complain about, or because it’s something new. I’m having a fit because it’s reinforcing an image people already have of Wales, which is usually bad or at least wrong.
Frankly I’m surprised Essex people didn’t complain about The Only Way Is Essex, or the other people complain about the other shows. It’s not even a real “reality show”, if any form of reality show could ever actually be real. It’s all scripted. All of them are! And they all have one thing in common: the people who “star” in it are all supercilious, self-entitled arseholes who like to do nothing more than shop, drink, whine and bitch about shit that doesn’t matter all the while they work out how to fuck the other cast members (literally and figuratively) and anyone else that might happen by and wish to be exposed to a venereal disease or some other form of bullshit.
I’m not saying there aren’t people like that here in Wales, they’re everywhere; but that’s the point. These shows, if they should be allowed to exist, should represent the area it’s supposed to be set in and not show the same caliber of cunts, snobs and shit-for-brains jocks that reside in every sad-act corner of the country. But maybe that’s the conspiracy, maybe theyintendedto show us the very worst of middle-class society and behaviour so that we may be ashamed and not act like that.
..buuuuut I doubt it. Even if that was the case nobody who mattered would be ashamed and the others would just smile and wave as they piss in the gutter with their knickers around their ankles and fight, inebriated, like polio victims over who looked at whose vulture-like girl. And then there’s the people who watch it. Because, let’s face it, who’s more stupid: the fool, or the fool who follows him?
The one good thing I can think of that may come of this is, should it flop or should the cast do something incredibly embarrassing, once they return to their “tranquil hamlet towns” they’ll be subjected to abuse and ridicule for acting like a complete twat on national television. I hope that happens. These people should not be allowed to get off scot-free from indulging in the most egregious form of television.
MTV used to be cool, man. It used to be about the music.
And Beavis & Butthead.
…and Æon Flux. And Daria.
And if you think I’m judging these people too quickly, or too harshly, they’ve released the preview trailers for the show:
Be warned…it’s atrocious. Even I can’t stand to listen to their fucking accents, and I’m Welsh.
The man is right; it is atrocious. Why MTV? WHY!?